me

if I have to describe my personality,
well…

sometimes I care too much
sometimes I don’t give a shit

sometimes I overreact
sometimes I don’t give a fuck

I used to think about others before me
now slowly but sure I am shifting my attention to take care of me first

well, Ras, who you kidding.
MBTI result knows you better than yourself.

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shall we jump into it?

along the way, I believe our personality might change and it influenced by many factors.
by habits you picked up as you grow older,
by circle cultures you’re in,
by work environment you’re at.

it happened to me.

around 4 years ago, my extraversion level was in the middle lean a bit toward to the introverted.
that was a moment when I have people around me.
organizations,
classes,
somebody to gossip about everything,
colleagues to discuss about lecture topics,
events to organize.
meeting.
and another meeting.
everything.

2 years later, it was getting lower. my extraversion level is only around 15%-ish.
I mostly introverted.

I met people more less.
I ate alone.
I go to the cinema alone.
I walked around by myself.
I feel more energized.
it would wrack my nerve if I made an appointment with someone but he or she didn’t meet my expectation.

I get trouble adjusting myself from me with only me to me with a company.

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I enjoy my solitude.
too much joy that oftentimes I refuse if someone gives an offer to accompany me.

during this global pandemic situation when people go crazy not meeting people, I actually enjoy the moment.
no need to panic to cover my acne scars with concealer,
no need to hurry to take shower,
no need to worry what fashion to wear.

i use this moment to healing.
to take care of my body health.
my mental health.
my self.

it is a hypocrite myself if I say I enjoy it 100%.

no.

sometimes I feel lonely.
sometimes I feel like I’m about to explode.

yes
I like being alone but for staying at home nearly a full year?

no.

i miss my swimming time,
my gym time,
my night ride,
the sound of the wave,
the smell of bread at the mall stand.
oh, the smell of popcorn at the cinema.

soon as I do lots of stuff by myself,
I crawl back to my cave.

to conclude, I miss my life at Yogya.